10 Soft Skills for High School Students

In today’s technology-centric and data-driven world, it’s easy to focus on the hard skills and competencies that you believe your child may need to land college acceptances and job placements, which may include coding languages, data analysis proficiency, or foreign language mastery. However, in order to succeed in college–and in any given career field, for that matter–your child will need to possess a certain set of soft skills that will help them problem-solve effectively, navigate diverse settings, and understand how to relate to others. Over the past decade of working with teens, we’ve found that certain soft skills are most indicative of a student’s ability to thrive in the college setting and beyond. Read on for our list of the top ten soft skills for high school students. 

What are soft skills?

Before we dive in, let’s define what soft skills are. According to the National Soft Skills Association, soft skills are rooted in emotional intelligence. Typically, they refer to the skills we need to collaborate with others and navigate challenging situations, such as communication, leadership, teamwork, stress management, and conflict resolution.

As such, soft skills for high school students are notoriously difficult to measure or quantify, although many researchers have tried. For example, in a working paper that was released in 2020 by the National Center for Analysis of Longitudinal Data in Education Research, researchers from Northwestern and the University of Chicago asserted that promoting interpersonal skills and work ethic has a greater impact on educational outcomes than raising test scores. In 2017, David Deming, a professor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education published “The Growing Importance of Soft Skills in the Labor Market,” another working paper that delves into why soft skills are viewed as increasingly important across various sectors.

Moreover, over the past fifteen years, there has been increased attention on qualities like grit, empathy, and adaptability, among others. Strong research and anecdotal evidence indicate that the possession of such skills leads to better educational and professional outcomes and can even help prevent high-risk behavior.

What is the difference between hard skills vs. soft skills for teens?

Hard skills are the opposite of soft skills; they are measurable, quantifiable, and testable. They often refer to technical proficiencies, such as computer applications or programming languages, but can also refer to copywriting, marketing, and foreign language expertise.

Moreover, hard skills are typically quick to assess. If someone asks you if you speak Spanish and you say “sí,” they might follow up with “Qué hora es?” If you answer “Me llamo Jillian,” it will be abundantly clear that you don’t, in fact, speak Spanish.

Similarly, certain internships or courses might require Python proficiency. If, when you’re asked to write code, you turn into Homer Simpson frantically searching for the “any key” key, your lack of coding expertise will be sadly–and instantly–revealed.

Why are soft skills for teens important?

Soft skills are life skills, which means they’re essential to independence as well as relational and professional success. They’re also highly observable through the way a student interacts with others, shows up in different spaces, and solves problems. As such, a student’s soft skills are often a good indicator of what type of classmate, roommate, and community member they’ll be.

In this way, soft skills can also be important for college applications. When building a class, admissions officers try to determine what strengths each applicant will contribute to campus, both academically and socially. In doing so, they assess the presence of certain desirable soft skills, like communication and critical thinking, from how students interact and present themselves, both verbally and in writing.

That said, “soft skills mastery” is not another task to cross off the college application checklist. Soft skills take time to develop!

How can teenagers develop soft skills?

Like most skills, soft skills are best developed through practice and modeling. Extracurricular activities, part-time jobs, doing household chores, and simply attending school are excellent ways to develop soft skills. Moreover, middle school and high school present many important opportunities to practice and make mistakes in a safe environment. Additionally, many soft skills are intertwined, so as you foster one, it’s very likely that you’ll indirectly work on others. Problem solving and conflict resolution are inherently connected, as are stress management and emotional resilience, creativity and adaptability, and communication and feedback.

That said, mastering just about any skill on this list will likely take months–and potentially years–of practice. Let’s dive in.

Soft Skills for High School Students #1: Communication

No matter what your child decides to pursue in the future, they’ll need strong personal and professional communication skills. Before they find themselves in front of a boardroom, though, they’ll first need to make their own doctor’s appointments, schedule meetings with professors and advisors, inquire about and interview for jobs, build relationships, etc.

How to help them practice:

• Let your teen answer and send their own emails to ask questions and resolve problems about their homework, classroom assignments, scheduling conflicts, and college applications.
• Let your teen make and answer calls to set up doctor and dentist appointments.
• Let your teen handle extracurricular scheduling issues, such as coordinating pick-ups and drop-offs with friends, when appropriate.
• Encourage your teen to call friends and family members (at least sometimes). We know, we know—why would you call instead of text or DM?! However, talking on the phone helps build both communication and listening skills, which, in turn, contribute to stronger, more engaged friendships and relationships. And more parents are hopping on board this trend—landlines are officially making a resurgence. 

Such opportunities are often self-correcting in that your child will receive fairly instant feedback. Perhaps they’ll have to repeat an unclear question several times to the doctor’s office receptionist, send a follow-up email when they haven’t received a response from their coach, or have to wait for you to pick them up if they forgot to ask a friend for a ride home. These small interactions are often quite powerful and provide your teenager with important insight that they can use next time.

Soft Skills for High School Students #2: Feedback

Giving and receiving feedback could be considered a subset of “communication skills.” However, we’ve broken it into its own category based on its importance in both academic and professional settings.

There are many types of feedback practices: positive, negative, constructive, formal, informal, etc. While constructive feedback is often viewed as the gold standard, the way in which it is packaged is constantly evolving. Several years ago, the Wall Street Journal published an article investigating how companies were rebranding “feedback” as “feed forward” to make it feel less intimidating. More recently, “fast feedback,” “coaching culture” and “connect sessions” have been the buzzwords in the limelight.

No matter what it’s called, receiving feedback can be nerve-wracking. However, your teenager can simply think of it as a piece of information that they can choose to use or not use. Of course, there may be natural consequences associated with not using feedback–particularly in the professional world. Consequently, high school is an excellent time to practice learning how to deliver feedback and receive it from others.

A few tips:

• Help your teen understand that it’s normal to feel nervous about receiving feedback and/or to have mixed feelings about the feedback that has been received. This does not necessarily mean that the feedback is untrue or inaccurate.
• In order to fully absorb feedback, encourage your teen to pause before responding–whether at home, on the field, or in the classroom. This “pause” can be anywhere from a few minutes to a few days.
• Use “I” statements that focus on your own emotions and experiences when giving feedback to your teenager, and encourage them to do the same when giving feedback to others. For example, “I feel confused about this section” is often better received than “You didn’t do a good job explaining this.”
• Teach your teen the difference between hard-to-hear (yet constructive) feedback and abusive or detrimental feedback.

Soft Skills for High School Students #3: Interpersonal/Social

Unless the dorm fairy blesses your teenager with a single, being a college student is often synonymous with having roommates. Thus, one of the best types of skills that your child can develop is learning how to be in a shared space with others. Teens should know that leaving their old takeout container on top of their desk for four days and piling dirty laundry in the direct center of the room’s only available floorspace is a one-way ticket to Roommate Conflict-palooza. And in addition to having roommates, your teenager will be joining new friend groups and extracurricular activities.

How should you help foster the development of these soft skills for teens?

• Expect and encourage your child to enroll in extracurricular activities and volunteer opportunities–whatever form those take. Across the board, we’ve noticed that the students who are deeply involved in particular activities are also those who have had the greatest opportunity to work with different types of students and mentors.
• Encourage your child to take on increased levels of responsibility in one or two of their most important activities. Leadership roles, in particular, are excellent for exposing teenagers to new types of perspectives and ways of interacting with others. Also, it’s great to take on a first leadership role in a familiar, supportive environment.
• If possible, encourage your teen to work part-time in high school. Learning how to navigate supervisor, coworker, and customer interactions is one of the best ways to learn people skills and professional etiquette. However, part-time jobs need not be related to your child’s future career. We’ve seen plenty of students gain tremendous value and perspective from bagging groceries, working as waitresses, and being baristas.
• At home, help your teen practice noticing what needs to be done without being asked. As parents, we’re used to carrying the mental load of our homes, but bringing our children into the fold enables them to be more responsible, observant, and self-aware. Try integrating a “notice and do” approach alongside regular chores.

Soft Skills for High School Students #4: Stress Management & Emotional Resilience

Since our children’s brains do not finish developing until their mid-late twenties, it makes sense that the teen and young adult years feel like an emotional minefield. To make things more interesting, their prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for executive functioning—is the last to develop, which means that emotional regulation and resilience are still very much under construction. These skills are also highly correlated with…guess what? Good stress management.

Despite knowing that there’s a biological explanation for our children’s stress, it’s never easy to watch them struggle. As they grow up, it can be even harder to understand when to allow them to struggle and when to step in. However, finding ways to nurture your teen’s stress management—and teach them how to tolerate and healthily display a wide range of emotions—is critical to their future success.

Accordingly, here are several ways you can help build stress management-related soft skills for teens:

• Take time to connect with your teen. Continuing to nurture a strong, healthy parent-child relationship is the most important step you can take. They’ll feel more supported, and you’ll be more in tune with their ups and downs. You’ll also have more natural opportunities to model positive coping skills—win-win.
• If you don’t absolutely need to step in, try letting your teen problem-solve on their own. Stepping back can help them build important skills for the next time they face a similar situation. For example, did their English teacher give them an unrealistic timeline for a group project? Resist the urge to email or call, and let your teen take the lead. As world-ending as things seem right now–to you or your teen–struggling in an extracurricular activity or class project is a very safe environment with relatively low stakes.
• If your teen is stressed, try asking them if they’d like advice or if they’d simply like to vent. This can be a good way to test how serious the problem is.
• If your teen consistently feels burnt out or struggles to cope, and you believe it is interfering with their mental health, seeing a therapist can help build skills in emotional resilience. Likewise, if you’re struggling to cope with your own stress or emotions, don’t be afraid to seek out personal mental health support.

Soft Skills for High School Students #5: Time Management

Your teen is likely balancing a number of competing responsibilities and interests: classes, friends, sports, clubs, after-school jobs. Learning how to prioritize and manage one’s time is often an ongoing endeavor. (Raise your hand if you continue to be the friend who is always ten minutes late.)

However, time management skills go beyond being punctual–it’s often a critical factor in how students manage projects and homework. Do they often work ahead of schedule, or wait until the last minute? If the latter, do all the reminders, calendars, and Post-It notes in the world have little impact? If you’re feeling the stress of your teen’s procrastination, know that the root cause of procrastination may have little to do with time management. Instead, it may have more to do with complex behavioral factors.

In The Midnight Disease: The Drive to Write, Writer’s Block, and the Creative Brain, Alice W. Flaherty delves deeply into the factors surrounding procrastination, noting that complicated punishment and reward responses may drive it. For example, perhaps your child procrastinates their college personal statement until the week before because of their anxiety about pressing “submit.” Or, maybe they wait to be “motivated” by the dopamine rush that often accompanies last-minute tasks. Both responses have little to do with their time management abilities.

So, what can you do to assist?

• Many people who struggle with procrastination work well with externally imposed deadlines. There’s not much you can do to control or set these for your teen, but encouraging them to determine deadlines in conjunction with a teacher, peer, or other mentor can help hold them accountable.
• Try to help your teen find an organizational system that works–and let them see how you manage your time, too. It might be a virtual calendar, paper calendar, paper chain, color-coded Post-It note system, phone reminders, etc.
• When and if possible, let your child run late and have to navigate the natural consequences of doing so.
• If procrastination, time blindness, and forgetfulness continue to be significant challenges, your child may be dealing with an executive functioning issue or disorder. If you suspect that could be the case, seek out the advice of a qualified mental health professional.

Soft Skills for High School Students #6: Work Ethic

When Miranda Priestly fires Andy in The Devil Wears Prada, she laments Andy’s “so-called work ethic.” (Andy couldn’t figure out how to airlift her boss out of a hurricane.) However, the American society’s obsession with working–and the rise of workism–is not what we’re referring to when we talk about work ethic. While working constantly without breaks is a recipe for burnout, a healthy work ethic is usually a set of positive behaviors. It includes the drive to take initiative, to go above and beyond, and to be proactive when something needs to be handled (within reason, of course).

This can be a hard balance to achieve and a challenging skill to learn (or moderate, in the case of high-achieving and perfectionistic students).

What can we do to help develop these soft skills for teens?

• Model it for them! As parents, we are the best teachers of what type of work-life balance we’d like our children to have.
• Help your child map out the steps to completing a particular task or project, or connect them with someone who can. Part of developing a good work ethic is experiencing the positive pay-off of achieving a particular result.
• Encourage your child’s effort, and help them remain positive and flexible in the face of challenges.
• When your child commits to a reasonable slate of activities and courses, expect that they’ll follow through with their responsibilities, even if it’s difficult to do so at times. Note that “reasonable” is the key word here.

Soft Skills for High School Students #7: Conflict Resolution

Whether at home, with friends, or with a teacher, conflict is never a fun experience. Many go out of their way to avoid it at all costs. Conflict can be fairly low-stakes: not seeing eye-to-eye with your partner on your PowerPoint design scheme or disagreeing with a teammate over a particular play, for example. It can also be quite high-stakes, particularly if related to hot-button or emotionally charged beliefs or perspectives.

Handling conflict appropriately is often directly related to one’s stress management skills and emotional resilience. Therefore, it makes sense that navigating it may feel difficult for your child.

Here are a few tips:

• When someone else is speaking, it’s easy to focus on what we might say in return rather than paying close attention to the other person. Encourage your child to be an active listener and ask questions before responding.
• Empathy plays a strong role in good conflict resolution. Encourage your child to think about the other person’s point of view and why they might have that perspective.
• Reflect on the way your family handles internal conflict, and if there are any changes you might make or want to model in this area.
• Resist the urge to control how a conflict is handled. Instead of “You should apologize!” or “You have to tell them how much they hurt you!” try asking neutral and nonjudgmental questions like, “What do you think you’ll do next?” or “Where will the two of you go from here?” This approach communicates that you respect and trust your child’s decision-making. It also underscores the importance of self-advocacy and promotes ownership. (Disclaimer: Conflicts involving physical safety issues, mental health concerns, or significant problems with authority figures, like teachers or coaches, should necessitate parent/guardian intervention.)

Soft Skills for High School Students #8: Analytical & Critical Thinking

In this new era of social media and AI, many teachers, professors, and employers are raising concerns about the decline of critical thinking skills, particularly in younger generations. They’re right to be concerned—a recent study conducted by Microsoft and Carnegie Mellon as well as a project conducted by MIT found that an overreliance on AI tools could lead to a decline in one’s ability to think critically and independently, and widespread use of social media has some concerned about a dwindling ability to identify misinformation and a decreased ability to focus. However, the latest World Economic Forum’s Future of Jobs Report cites “analytical thinking” as the skill most valued by today’s employers, students will want to take every opportunity possible to nurture this particular skill set.

But what’s the difference between these skills? Essentially, critical thinking is more holistic, and involves determining what questions need to be asked and what factors need to be analyzed before you can form an opinion on any given topic or subject. Analytical thinking, on the other hand, is a component of critical thinking. It’s more systematic, enabling you to better understand a complex idea, subject, question, or process through the process of breaking it down into more manageable pieces or steps.

Let’s look at an example:

Imagine you’re scrolling on your phone. You see an article pop up: “Addiction Isn’t a Disease: It’s a Choice.” You read the article, which cites several studies. Critical thinking skills would come into play when you start to ask broad and objective questions:

• Why were these studies chosen, and did the author interpret them correctly?
• The author’s father passed away from opioid addiction—how heavily did that experience inform their opinion?
• Does other research exist on this topic, and if so, what perspectives does it provide?
• If I do look at addiction as a moral failing, what factors would I overlook? Who could that harm?

Then, to engage with your critical thinking questions on a deeper and more granular level, you’ll need to think analytically. For example, you wanted to understand why certain studies were chosen and how the author interpreted them. However, a study is a complex source of information. To break it down, you’ll methodically analyze factors like when the study was conducted, how it was conducted, who conducted it, etc. Once you understand the study’s parts, you’ll be able to better assess why and how the study arrived at the conclusion it did, and by extension, whether the author’s interpretation of the study was accurate.

So, how can you help your teen develop this skill?

• Be aware of the content that your teen engages with online (including AI tools), and limit that engagement if necessary. Complex algorithms often turn social media apps, newsfeeds, and online forums into echo chambers, filtering content and reinforcing certain perspectives or opinions. In addition, the rise of AI has led to an increase in falsified news articles and even photographs. Evaluating digital sources for legitimacy is more important than ever.
• Encourage reading. Reading is an excellent way to develop critical thinking skills. Better yet, choose a book or audiobook to dive into at the same time!
• Ask your teen’s opinion about trending issues. Encourage them to question what they don’t understand, and openly share your own questions and reasoning, too.
• Use pros and cons lists to help your teen break down problems and decide on a course of action.
• Play strategy games that bolster your teen’s logic and reasoning skills. These include options like chess, Sudoku, Catan, Risk, and Monopoly as well as card games like cribbage, poker, and bridge.

Soft Skills for High School Students #9: Adaptability & Flexibility

These days, no one can get too far with a static skill set. While changes in technology used to primarily affect those in the tech sector, they now regularly disrupt a diverse array of industries, from writing and teaching to customer service and healthcare. It’s impossible to predict what the next five to ten years will look like, but one thing is for certain: today’s high school students and college grads will need to stay on their toes.

Rather than despairing over what changes may await them in 2035, your teen can take charge by cultivating their ability to adapt and be flexible. Change will occur in their lives—sometimes positive, sometimes negative—and how they learn to approach that change will have a major impact on their personal and professional success.

A few ideas for how you can help your teen practice adaptability and flexibility during high school:

• Encourage your teen to take risks and step outside their comfort zone. This could be joining a new activity, running for a leadership position in a school club, taking a weekend class in a subject that interests them, or even inviting a new friend over to hang out.
• When last-minute changes or issues occur, model adaptability. Life is full of small speed bumps—someone gets sick right before vacation, you’re late to pick-up because there was an accident on the highway, two events get accidentally scheduled at the same time. How you approach those situations will have a significant influence on your teen (even if it seems like they’re not paying attention!).
• Keep things fresh at home. Try new activities together, whether that’s indoor rock-climbing, a cooking class, a concert, or even a DIY home project. If your family likes the beach, venture to a new one once a summer. If you & your teen like running, find a longer-than-usual road race to train for. Or, simply change up your day-to-day routine once in a while—ask your teen to plan and make dinner on a week when you’ll be home late, swap your children’s chores and responsibilities, etc.
• Give them the right level of independence. Independence helps our kids feel capable, which in turn leads to greater resourcefulness and adaptability. However, too much independence—or a lack of boundaries—can be a recipe for disaster. Think about how independent your child is right now. What tasks, responsibilities, or privileges would help them build this skill? Additional, bigger ways to foster independence: overnight summer programs and camps, flying alone to visit a relative, or encouraging your teen to get a job.

Soft Skills for High School Students #10: Creativity

The number of traditionally “creative” activities and opportunities available to your child often depends on where you live. If your child attends a top private school, they likely have a full slate of music, theater, and art programs at their disposal. If they attend an under-funded public school, however, music and art programming is often the first to come under fire during budget cut season. While certain activities do encourage creative self-expression more than others, creativity isn’t exclusive to those activities—or to the people who do them. According to research, anyone can develop creativity by cultivating certain habits and ways of thinking.

So, how can your teen develop their creativity? A few ideas:

• Encourage deep involvement in activities they love. Gaining expertise in any given area often leads to increased creativity. It makes sense—on your teen’s first day of robotics, they’re likely soaking everything in and figuring out what they need to learn. Fast forward three years, though, and your teen’s skill level has made them confident and knowledgeable enough to drop creative solutions and ideas left and right.
• Help your teen practice divergent thinking. When brainstorming solutions to a problem, come up with as many ideas as possible, even if some of them seem downright silly, impossible, or out there. This habit can help your teen consider a wider range of solutions when trying to solve a problem.
• Let your teen be bored. Boredom is often the catalyst for creativity and innovation. Bonus points if your teen takes their boredom outside: a recent study published in Frontiers in Psychiatry suggests that natural environments increase creativity and curiosity.
• Don’t let your teen pigeon-hole themselves. A key element of creativity is the ability to make connections between different subjects and ideas. If your teen’s interests start to become quite narrow, encourage them to branch out. Take the fun elective, read a book in a different genre, listen to a podcast on a new subject, etc. You can broaden their horizons, too. Sports-obsessed kid? Book theater tickets. Coding prodigy? Head to your local art museum for the afternoon.

Soft Skills for High School Students – Final Thoughts

By encouraging our teens to take on a varied slate of academic and extracurricular opportunities, by modeling the skills we want them to learn, and by providing them with plenty of practice, we help support the development of a variety of essential soft skills. Parenting a teen and preparing them for the next stage in their lives can feel both overwhelming and rewarding. Luckily, your teen will naturally learn the skills they need to be successful by simply having opportunities to be involved and by having caring adult mentors who want to see them thrive.

Interested in learning more about how to help your teen navigate the transition from high school to college? Check out the following blogs:

• 12 Best College Guides: Must Read Admissions Books for Parents and Teens
• 10 Tips for Parents After Their Teen is Accepted to College
• How To Support Your Teen in the College Admissions Process
• College Essentials – Dorm Checklist and Skills You Need
• 11 Life Skills for Teens